Well, I promised to update, so here is my update.

Of course, it is 0330, but that what happens when you're on steroids.  Life sucks and you can't sleep.

It's so funny about these steroids.  I would consider them the WORST drugs in the entire world.  I dislike them WAAAYYY more then chemotherapy and radiation.  They are supposed to be used to prevent swelling in the brain and any symptoms related to tumors in the brain: headaches, vision changes, balance issues, etc.  However, for me in particular, I had no symptoms when I started taking steroids (both times).  So, now, after starting the drug, I feel like crap.  Headaches, vision changes, stuffy head, can't sleep, bad taste in my mouth, wanting to eat, bloating after eating anything, constipation, weight gain and swelling in my face.  Just such a contradiction!  I guess it's like chemo - its a drug that kills cells, so while its killing the bad cancer cells, its also killing healthy cells.  Just have to take the good with the bad.


So, as I'm sitting here I'm reminded that I've been here before.  This is going to be a different blog this time around - because now its not new.  I've done this rodeo before, and won it.  So that's my mindset coming into this.  It's not as scary, because now I know what to expect.  And I know I can overcome and persevere.  And as I reflect  back to the first journey, I can appreciate the differences in me now.

Just a recap for anyone who was curious: I was first diagnoses in September 2010.  David and I were living in Harlingen, TX (right at the border) and he was in PA school.  I was the only one working and kept the insurance.  The girls were 9, 4, and 2.  We were out there on our own, with all family back in Arlington TX, 9 hours away.  I had a great opportunity to return to Arlington with a job offer at Methodist Dallas Medical Center and I took it.  It brought me and the girls back to family in Arlington, but David was left in Harlingen to finish school and pack up the life we had started down there.  The girls and I came back to live with David's brother in a small little house.  It was challenging, but family always pulls through!  So much support, not just from old friends, but new ones with my new work family.  Couldn't have made it through the first round without them!

So treatment the first time around:
I had triple negative invasive ductal carcinoma.  I do not have any genetic or family history.  Triple negative means it does not have any targeted therapy specific for it.  I decided to do chemotherapy first.  So I had 6 months of chemotherapy before I did a bilateral mastectomy.  I was going to do delayed reconstruction, so it was a pretty simple procedure.  However, I did have to go back to remove the lymph nodes from the L side (where the cancer was).  That prompted my medical team to recommend breast radiation (which was a new development).  So then I needed to get implants and start breast radiation.  Everything was going well until I developed a local recurrence and it turned out to be HER2+.  This particular strain is fairly aggressive and fast -growing. So...more surgery, radiation and new chemotherapy.  Pretty much immediately after that, and almost by accident, we discovered a brain tumor!  Had a really bad headache after taking the new chemotherapy and the doc wanted a brain MRI - which found the tumor and I had had no symptoms.  So, then I had surgery to remove the brain tumor, which was caused by the original triple negative tumor, followed by whole brain radiation to prevent any recurrence in the brain.  I continued on the chemotherapy for the HER2+ tumor until October 2012, which was my last treatment.  I then had my breast reconstruction surgery in 2013.  Since then, I have been healthy, happy, enjoying my family and friends and taking every day as the blessing it is.  I struggle every day with all the same issues, but I think my outlook on life has changed.  I try not to be a perfectionist and hold too high of standards (decrease stress and cortisol).  Be a forgiving person and not judging others

Back to today:  I saw my regular oncologist today.  So we have an initial plan.
This brain recurrence was noted on my routine check-up.  I again had no symptoms.  But, fortunately, it was noted when it was, because I was about to change my insurance levels since it had been 5 years since diagnosis.  It was a pretty big marker!  I was able to make sure my insurance levels were the most appropriate for what I'm going to be dealing with.  My radiation oncologist immediately referred me to UTSW for a consult and I'm scheduled for what's called a Gamma Knife procedure to kill the "rocks in my brain" as I am calling them.  It's basically super focused beams of gamma radiation sent to each tumor to kill it.  I have a lot of them, so my prayers right now are focused on getting enough radiation to each and every single tumor to kill it and shrink them from my head!  It's a non-invasive "surgery" and I'll be home on the same day.  However, those tumors came from somewhere, so the next challenge is to figure that out.  I have been getting body scans frequently through the years.  Me and the CT team are buddies!  So, I have had these little nodules on my lungs for awhile, but they have stayed really small and stable.  I just recently had a slight enlargement of them, but wanted to wait a little longer for the biopsy.  So, I will be having a PET scan, which is looking at the cellular level for any disease.  That will guide where I should have any biopsies (like obviously the lungs, but anywhere else.  We need t biopsy those areas to determine the type of cancer that might be growing and send little seeds to my brain.  Is is the first  cancer - triple negative, or is it the recurrence - HER2+?  That will determine the type and course of treatment.

So, this is familiar to me.  It's not as scary.  While the severity of the diagnosis has been pretty shocking, I am trying to avoid it and focus on the familiar.  I have done this before.  I have survived.  My kids are happy and well adjusted.  I have a wonderful relationship with my husband.  I have a huge family committed to my well-being.  I have so many wonderful and supportive friends to keep a smile on my face.  I have an awesome job and co-workers who allow me to time to heal and recover and put up with my while I'm in treatment!  I live on a beautiful ranch with horses and wildlife to commune with and my husband has a job that will cover our expenses.  I am blessed.  I will endure.  I will survive again.  What other option is there?  None.  So, while doubts might come up, and fears, I will push them aside and look to all the inspiring scripture and quotes that people have been sending me.  I will keep my spirit uplifted and take joy in all the simple things I see everyday, and all the silly things I share with those around me.

Thank you to all who care about me.  I am so overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and love and encouragement from everyone.  I guess my parents must've done something right!