Treatment plan

So I saw my oncologist yesterday, both radiation and medical. Looks like I can come off steroids, YEAH!!!!!!!!! Have to stay on the seizure meds (I just wanted off those cuz I have taking meds!). Radiation is doing well, I think the majority of my issues are from tykerb, but I don't have an appetite and food tastes bad. So this time around, I'm not eating till I find something good, I'm just NOT gonna eat! I have 20 lbs to loose ( at least)! As for chemo, my doc consulted with a local expert in triple negative disease (which is the pathology of the cancer). Of the 4 samples they tested, 3 were triple negative and 1 HER2+. So, that makes a big difference in treatment, mainly that there are drugs targeted to the HER2 (which I'm currently taking). However, if my tumor is really triple negative, then there are different drugs I should take. Sooo, they are sending ALL my tissue samples to this doc and her pathologists to retest and confirm. So, after radiation ee'll discuss again!!

On a happy note: my house is empty and all my stud is on the new house. Just thrown in the house, but there nonetheless!!!!

Bad day

Wow! Yesterday I was down for the count. I had to have David drive me to radiation and then I spent the rest of the day in bed. I mean, I couldn't even sit up in bed!! In fact, both the little girls slept with me during the day too, so I think these past 2 weeks of moving has really done us in!! Fortunately, I woke up today with strength and ready to finish moving!! We're almost done and David has really done it all by himself, again!! When we moved from Harlingen to Dallas, he did the same thing!! After we get all the stuff in the house, I think we will live in chaos for awhile so we can relax!!!

Radiation treatment is going well. I'm not bothered by it, but my scalp is tender and food doesn't taste the same, and I don't really have an appetite. Good thing I have plenty of steroid-driven fat to live off of!! Hopefully I can get off the steroids for good next week. I find out my chemo plan today, so I'll let y'all know about that too.

I go back to work next week as well! I think my time off has been busier than life before ever was!!!

42 days cancer free. FIGHT LIKE A GIRL

I must have a problem!

Why can't I ever slow down?

Is is that I have a problem organizing my life, or am I still in a little bit of denial?  I think I want to stay busy because then it means I'm not sick, but on the other hand - why am I so busy if I'm not working right now?  Holy cow!  I did get a short nap today, though!  That's a positive!

Well, didn't start radiation today.  Today was the x-ray to make sure that the planning was accurate.  It's really cool, the two Texas Oncology offices are battling on whose radiation plan is "better".  I don't know all the technical things that make one plan better than the other, but regardless, it's pretty cool to know people are working hard to make the best treatment plan!  So, tomorrow I will find out if I'll do my treatments at Dallas or at Charlton office. (They are both fairly close to the house, so it's no difference to me - except I don't have my buddies at the Charlton office!)

So, tomorrow afternoon will be R-day.  I had the mask on today for the x-ray and it wasn't too bad, hopefully I'll be able to do my relaxation breaths, self-hypnotize and take a power nap!

33 days cancer-free                                     FIGHT LIKE A GIRL!

Radiation

So, we're back at home after David's graduation!  It was so nice to see him complete his journey.  He has spend 23 years in school and has gotten the range of dipolomas that academia has to offer: HS diploma, certificate, Associate's Degree, Bachelor's Degree and now Master's Degree.  I'm gonna try to hold him off for awhile on the Medical Degree/PhD!  I need a break!!  Oh, and I need some money!  He has already verbally accepted a job in the emergency department of a local hospital.  We're really excited about that!  He was really looking for a job in the ED!

So, the plan today is that I will start radiation.  I spoke to my radiation oncologist yesterday.  (I love her so much!  She listens to everything I say and really takes it into consideration!)  I have spots reserved for me at two locations, so see which location will be a better fit for what they are going to do for me.  They are "sparing" or not radiating the hippocampus area.  THis area is involved in memory - short-term and long-term.  This was important for me because I didn't want to forget the detailed information that I teach, nor have problems incorporating new information into my classes.  So, she got really detailed brain scans, mapped out the brain areas really well and then adjusted the radiation treatments to avoid that area!  Isn't that amazing what we can do with technology!?  And listening to patients!?  Incredible!  So, they will call me today with a time to go, and I will be doing 17 treatments. I've been told my hair will fall out about 2 weeks into treatment and the fatigue begins around then too.  So, that will get me past the holidays!

I haven't really been thinking about radiation.  It was hard to do the first round, like I said before, but now I know what to expect.  I know it doesn't hurt and it goes pretty quickly.  But, as I've said before, my coping technique is avoidance!  It probably won't hit me until I'm there in the room with my hannibel lector mask strapped to my face!

I'll let y'all know how it goes, but so far I'm feeling okay!

33 days cancer-free                                         FIGHT LIKE A GIRL

Ay-yi-yi: does it ever slow down?

Wow,

So many exciting things going on!  David has completed school!  YEAH!!! The only thing left is the actual graduation and banquet this weekend.  He has a couple job possibilities that are very exciting, so we're really happy about that!  But with graduation, comes....arranging on how to get 20 people down there at the same time (plus with the correct hair color and clothes - always important!) :P  The other exciting change is the upcoming move!  I'm so happy and grateful to have the opportunity to move into a MUCH bigger home.  It is a really nice house (did I mention it was my sisters and since she's moving into a new home, she's letting me move into the old one?)  So, not only am I moving, but she is too!  So, that's 2 moves in the SAME WEEK!!!  We are too crazy!  I'll be happy once we're in because then I start radiation, so I'll have a nice big house to relax in, with separate rooms for the kids when I need to separate them!

Did my radiation simulation this week.  Had to get a detailed brain MRI for it, which showed no new tumors - YEAH!!!  I am so impressed at my treatment team!  They have really listened to me and taken everything I have wanted into consideration.  They are going to "spare" parts of my brain that would result in more cognitive impairment.  It makes the treatments longer (like 20 minutes vs 5), but it does give me peace of mind that I will hopefully still be able to speak about the fetal oxy-hemoglobin disassociation curve!  Radiation will most likely start next Tuesday.  I still don't know if it'll be 15 or 20 days, but I'll know next week.

I'm back in physical therapy for lympedema in my arm.  It is getting a little uncomfortable now and I get some numbness.  I think it's cause of all the weight redistribution from steroids.  It hurts to lift my arms up because I'm so fat!!!  In fact, to be able to look down and see my mediport in my chest, I have to physically move my cheek!  Isn't that so sad it's hilarious!!  I also have a lot of swelling in my legs.  I'm not sure if its from being fat or steroids?  I've gained about 10 pounds, so I need to start controlling myself and not letting steroids be an excuse for me.  I think I did pretty well today, so that's day 1!  Everyday will be a challenge because I sure like those carbs!

So, onwards into the day.  It's just about time to get up and get everyone ready for the day.  My goal is to find a graduation outfit that downplays my chipmunk face! :)

28 days cancer-free                                            FIGHT LIKE A GIRL!

Gift Wrapping Party

Okay, so I promised to post about the gift wrapping party!  CRAZY!!!  All you ladies are crazy!  I just can't believe the amount of stuff that was given to my family.  It makes me feel a little uncomfortable because there are sooooo many families out there that are struggling.  I always come back to the fact that y'all gave these gifts out of the goodness and generosity in your hearts to make this Christmas be as stress-free as possible for me.  I soooo appreciate that!  I'm trying to wrap my brain around that and just accept the gifts.  It's hard, ladies! I'm telling you!  I don't know if its hard because I want to be independent (I don't think so), because I want to be one giving to others (maybe a little) or because I want to be the honey badger (most likely).

It makes me start to psychoanalyze myself a little.  Sooo, if you don't like psychoanalysis, you may want to skip this section!  I think I have always wanted to "prove" myself worthy.  To my parents, my friends, my co-workers...anyone.  That I'm worthy of the love and attention they give me, etc.  So, I do a lot to make sure I have done that.  Maybe even go overboard.  But while I like when people give me feedback that what I did was good, I still have this thought that I'm just barely getting by, barely doing the minimum.  So, I know I always joke about how awesome I am, and how smart I am, but I think I say that because I don't really believe it.  And when I joke about it, and people joke back with me, then I can "blow off" what they say as a joke.  "See, we really don't think you're smart or awesome...we're all joking about it." kind of thing.  So, all this support I'm getting now isn't a joke.  It can't be played off as a joke, or something that isn't important.  It shows that people are genuine and sincere in their donations.  You are giving these gifts because it means something to you, that I meant something to you.  And I think that is what is the hardest for me to accept.  That I did have an impact.  It's what I've thought about that I've wanted to accomplish for my life: to impact people and help them change (usually in a professional context).  But I don't think I really thought that I did it.  Then I received a card, out of the blue, from Brownsville telling me how much they appreciated my contribution to their unit.  WOW!  I have that card in my purse because I like to read it often.  When I look at my list of what I wanted to accomplish, versus what I actually did, I see that I left many things out.  But when you change perspective, I helped people accomplish a lot on their units.

I don't feel like I am doing anything special.  I feel like I am just putting one foot in front of the other and doing what needs to be done.  But as I read other blogs about people with breast cancer I realize a couple things: 1: this spiritual "awakening" and re-prioritization of life are not unique to me!  Everyone has these feelings and 2: most people are like I was in September 2010 - have a plan, wipe out cancer and never think about it again.  The reality is starting to set in that I will never be able to forget I had cancer.  It will be a constant battle.  It's not an unwinable battle.  It's just a constant: medical, diet, exercise, stress/priorities.  My life will never be the same...My perspective has changed.  Of course, we're still in the transitional phase.  Some days are easier to accept the change than others.  What do I want to do?  How do I want to spend my time?  These are questions that will need to be answered as I get stronger and better.

Okay, that's enough of all that.  I don't really know what I said or what I was trying to say, but a least I can look back on this post and remember!  Sooo, back to the party!  My friend Kaley is such a surprise fanatic!  She planned this huge thing where I had to go on a "treasure" hunt with clues.  People: I just had brain surgery and I am on steroids.  I just read a book, but those damn steroids effect your mood and concentration and my frustration tolerance is at an all time LOW!  But, nevermind - Kaley made these little "clues" about where I could find my "surprise".  So I had clues that revealed to me a $1, $5, $10, $20 and $50 bill, then came the big one.  (I'm just gonna tell everyone - I required A LOT of help to find these surprises).  The big surprise was the total amount from the bracelets: $2700!!!!!!!!!!  All because of you guys!  You guys love to sell!!!  All you guys: from Baylor family, Methodist family, Brownsville family, my family AND strangers!  It's ridiculously cool!  (and as a side note, I don't know why I feel more comfortable with this and not with the gifts?)  It was amazing!  I'm putting that money in savings.  Right now I am using all the donations and bracelet money to pay bills.  I've run out of my PTO/sick time.  So, we expect that David should have a job by the end of February because he needs his license and DEA number first.  Whatever is left over will cover medical expenses.  We'll start a new year with a new deductible soon, so we'll have some immediate bills.

So, back to the gifts....there are so many that it fills up the entire back of the Tahoe: back seat and trunk!  It was amazing!  I don't know what the kids said because I left to California very early the next day.  I'm actually still here.  I leave tomorrow to go back to reality!

It was a great trip in Venice Beach with my friend Nancy.  She's the only friend from college I keep in touch with!  That's a lasting friendship!  I got to walk around her really great neighborhood and imagine a different life (with my family) and how awesome it would be (of course, reality never matches the dream, but it seems like a nice dream).  I got my first ever Thai massage, I got a haircut, I rode a bike (haven't done that in a long time either!).  Best of all, I got to really have adult conversations with my friend.  It was great and relaxing and I wanna do it again!  Stay away cancer so I can go visit all my friends in cool cities!  (Like New Orleans, Kim!)

So, tomorrow I leave..and I'll probably need to bug Nancy to get up and take me (she is not a morning person!) :)))  (That's the best I can do for a smiley - remember what happened last time?), so I need to go to bed!

I learned this in a blog I was reading...I will use the same sign-off for all my posts now.  I think it's cool
24 Days Cancer-free                            Fight Like a Girl!

What a week!

So it's finally Saturday: officially 23 days cancer free!

Last week was busy with the garage sale, this week was busy with my brother in town and reviewing David's paper to make sure he graduates!! Finally, I will have a little break!  I'm headed to California (in about 5 hours actually) for some relaxation!  I'm excited to sleep in, take a nap, sit at the beach and watch my friend surf (if she wants).  It'll be a nice trip!

Wow, what all have I done this week?  Getting better at morning routine with the girls.  Have to find a way to fit in the walk after I take the girls to school.  THis week we thought our puppies had parvo and were going to die.  However, another miracle has occurred and they are healthy?  Maybe it was a false positive test, maybe God intervened; but regardless, our puppies are thriving!  So, my mornings are very busy with puppy duty and getting the girls ready for school.  How did I create such slloooowwww creatures?  They eat slow, dress slow, brush hair/teeth slow.  Is this normal?  Have I just lived at a faster pace for too long?  Wow...how annoying!!!

This was also the week for Christmas programs.  All the girls had their holiday programs, plus we were able to get pictures with Santa for a very reasonable price at Lili's preschool: First Presbyterian Preschool in Arlington, TX.  I will always promote them because they are AWESOME!!!

Another fun thing about this week was that my brother came into town.  Now, I haven't seen Sam, my younger brother, for about 3 years.  We're not a big talking family (I use up all my talking with my hispanic family!  They talk for about 3 people each!)  So, it was really nice to reconnect with him and catch him up on all that I've been going through and processing.  We also got to gossip about our parents and compare notes.  This way we can learn from each other's mistakes! :)

Physically, I've started the wean off the steroids.  I think I'm a little sensitive to the steroids because other people have been on higher doses than me and not had all my symptoms.  Therefore, I suppose that I started to experience withdrawal: headaches and lethargy/fatigue.  It's so confusing because the main symptoms I'm having could be due to the steroids OR due to brain swelling!  Which came first, the chicken or the egg???  I guess it's basically a moot point since I'll need to be on steroids again during radiation.  I thought maybe I could hold off until I have symptoms.....but greater minds prevailed and lead me to see the light.  I just hate admitting that I'm sick...or need medicine...or really need any kind of medical treatment!  Besides the fear of the unknown to come, I think I really hate those moments when I have to admit I'm sick.  I hate saying that - "sick".  I need to come up with a better word - any suggestions?  health-challenged?  I saw the radiation oncologist this week and told her I would do the whole brain radiation.  We're going to try to spare the hippocampus area, which will help reduce the possibility of cognitive dysfunction, and that's a pretty rare area for recurrence.  I'll start when we get back from David's graduation on 12/20 and go for either 15 or 20 days.  I got the pathology back of the brain tumor and that tumor is triple negative like the original tumor.  Soooo, I'm not sure how long or even if I'll stay on the Tykerb and/or Herceptin.  I"m thinking the Herceptin since the recurrence was HER2+, but maybe not the Tykerb (which is the oral medication I now take every day).  According to my studies, my HER2 status is only "mildly" positive, so ever Herceptin is not as beneficial to me as say someone who is "strongly" positive.  I'll meet with my medical oncologist at the end of the month to plan out the chemo.  For radiation, it's the same type of side effects as before: I'll lose my hair, but they say more like after 2 weeks. Redness/burning/peeling of the skin on the scalp.  I didn't have too many problems before and if I was red on Friday, by Monday I was a normal color again.  Debating about getting my hair cut...I have the graduation and I wanna look nice, but jeesh - I'm gonna loose it all a couple weeks, why spend the money!?!  There are other side effects: loss of appetite (I'm actually hoping for that one to counteract the steroid effects), nausea/vomiting, hearing issues, and fatigue.
I'm having some lymphedema issues.  I think it's because the steroids are causing fat deposits to change and it affects my arm.  I had my PT appointment today and I love those!  I always feel better afterwards.  But, now I'm wearing my sleeve again, looking like a dork!  I think the worse side effect is the moon face.  My face and neck are sooo smooth and puffy when I touch them.  I have this beautiful double chin!  It's sooo icky and I hate that people look at me and think this is what I really look like!  ARGGG!!  Here is my vanity coming out!  Moon face, bloating and weight gain.  Isn't cancer supposed to make you loose weight??  Oh, yes, of course: not breast cancer!  Doesn't being overweight increase your risk of recurrence: of course it does!  Doesn't obesity make you pay higher insurance premiums: of course it does!  How FUN!

So, now the tiredness is setting in!  I need to lay down and get a couple hours of sleep (of course I'll sleep on the plane as well!)  I'm so excited about this weekend and getting to relax, and then about next week not having ANYTHING planned!!!!  More rest!!!!

Last note: Chrismas gift wrapping party was last night and OMG!!! What crazy friends I have!!!  I will make sure the next post is all about the party!