Garage Sale

WOW!!!!

 I just have to say how wonderfully blessed I am!  I have so much awesome stuff for the garage sale, that it is just going to be so successful!  I can't wait!!!  I have sofas, filing cabinets, lawn equipment, guy stuff, housewares, decorating stuff, TONS of baby stuff and toys, clothes (high end stuff too!).  It's gonna be awesome.  Thank you all so much who have donated stuff, and even priced it because you know how my mathematical faculties are off!

I am sooo excited to do this garage sale!  It's gonna be so much fun!

So, as you all know: I love to organize!  Make lists, throw things out, put like things together....so organizing for the garage sale is right up my alley.  I can thank my mother for this obsession of mine!  I didn't get a chance to walk yesterday or today because I was so busy, but I was walking and standing all day organizing, so we'll play that off as even.  I will be walking tomorrow, though!

It's been an eye-opening week as far as being a stay-at-home mom.  It's made me realize that I really need to be more consistent with the girls.  I'm glad I have this opportunity to do that!  The one that needs a lot of attention right now is Yerena!!!  My drama queen!  She knows the rules, but she is sooo sneaky at trying to get around them.  "I just forgot, I got confused!" are her go-to responses!  So, today she got into a little bit of trouble and we're working on her discipline/punishment.  Ahh, the joys of parenting!  I'm a little embarrassed to say that my kids definitely need more!  So, again: I'm here, I'm present and I'm making the changes that are needed to improve my life AND the life of the future.  I wanna raise my children to be as "*wonderful*" as me!  And I would insert a funny smiley, but that will frustrate me too much!

So what else is on my mind?  13 days cancer-free!
Got approved with insurance for Tykerb, so I'll get that drug tomorrow.  (That's the drug that hits HER2 positive tumors and crosses the blood-brain barrier.

Had a huge blessing happen today.  It is so miraculous on how it happened.  So, yesterday David and I are going through the bills and realizing that we might not have the money to make an automatic payment (just because of timing issues).  We were scrambling to transfer some monies around and I'm thinking of what we'll make on the garage sale/bracelet sales to help make bills.  Then, out of the blue I receive a donation from the blog that helps resolve a lot of issues.  I can't say anything else but the Lord provides when needed!
2 Corinthians 9:8
And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work.

Okay, so I've posted, kids are asleep (2/3 of them at another house) and I am off to sleep alone in my bed.  What blessings!  Hopefully I'll sleep ALL night!

I love my life! :) :) :)  I love my family :) :) :)    I love my friends :) :) :)

New Treatment Plan

So, I think I'm ready to post about Monday 11/28/2011.  Eleven days cancer-free and the day the "latest" treatment plan.  I don't know why it seems like such a big deal...as I look back, I have made these type of decision too many times!  Remember when my Baylor friends staged an intervention to light a fire under me to get treatment started?  That was supposed to be the big decision: chemo versus surgery.  How many treatment decisions have I made since then.......Too many to count!  And of course it always seems like the current decision is the most scary, or important, or biggest decision of all.

So, just to let everyone know the typical treatment, for each "diagnosis" I've had, the general plan has been a combination of surgery to remove the tumor, radiation to clear the local area of the cancer and chemo to clear the possible wide spread of the cancer.  For me, surgery was really scary, but chemo no, so chemo is always an "easy" choice for me.  Turns out, radiation is really scary for me too1  When I was recommended to do radiation on the original breast tumor,  I was shocked.  My breast surgeon and medical oncologist had prepared me that I didn't require it (I only had 1 lymph node positive out of 11 that they took).  It was my radiation oncologist and her conservative recommendation regarding new research out of Europe that put radiation on the table.  It was not something I was planning on (and it delayed the reconstruction plan!)  It basically messed up a lot of stuff!  But I remember thinking:  "I've been super aggressive up to this point.  I've done 2 surgeries so far.  I would regret not doing radiation if the cancer ever came back.  So I decided on the radiation.  I haven't told anybody this, but I cried for the first week for every session.  The techs were so sweet to me, giving me lots of hugs and sitting down and trying to comfort me.  It is a really lonely experience to do radiation and I think that's why its so scary to me. At least with surgery, I have versed and don't remember anything!  With radiation you are alone in the room, can't move, surrounded by huge machines shooting invisible poison at you.  I just remember feeling so alone and scared.  David and I had a little self-counseling session and after that I felt better.  I didn't cry anymore during treatment.

Just as a side note, the treatment decision for the recurrence were actually the easiest decisions I've made.  No struggle or problems with that surgery, radiation and chemo plan.  Of course, I didn't have time to do the chemo before the 3rd round hit!

So, here we are now at round 3: Stage IV breast cancer with brain metastasis.  What people say is the "scariest type", or "least researched", "fewest options" Whatever.  IT's all scary and it's all with the fewest options!  I feel actually really lucky because it is by the grace of God that I even found this out.  I really didn't have any symptoms to do a brain MRI (I had a single headache after a new drug - that usually is considered a routine side effect!).  I could be running around right now, oblivious to growing tumors in my brain and doing the same old junk I was doing before.  Now I have the knowledge about the important things in my life: relationships!

So, back to round 3.  Same general treatment plan as before: surgery (not so scared of that now!), chemo (never scared of that), radiation (Ohh, I"m scared of that!)  Why is radiation even scarier now?  Cognitive function!  I consider myself a pretty intelligent person (Okay, yes...I am a know-it-all!  But, I make everything sound so good! .  

{{Side note - that emoticon just took me 30 minutes to figure out how to do.  There will NOT be any more!}}

SO, back to radiation to the brain.  David and I did a lot of research and thinking.  Do we do it now? Do we watch and save it for any future growth?  How will it affect me?  Will I still be me?  Will my words still be "manna from heaven" as I've joked they are?  Will I always have an answer for everything?  Because come on now - you all know that that's how I am!  Right or wrong, love it or hate it, but that's me.  Would I still be me if I did radiation?

That's the clincher.  Everything else I've done hasn't affected who/what I am.  It's affected how I look.  That's nothing - looks change.  Whether you have a boob or not, have hair or not, have burnt skin or not, doesn't change you.  Brain radiation might.  It affects memory and cognition.  I teach classes, I need the words to express the concepts.  That's what I feel is one of my gifts, being able to explain difficult concepts in ways that people understand.  Would I still be able to do that?  Should I hold off the possibility of losing that to when/if (because it might never come back) any tumor comes back in the brain.  I mean right now - I"m cancer-free!  Should I just trust in God to keep me this way?  Trust his plan?  If I had faith, isn't that what I should do?  That the tiny mustard seed of my faith will move the mountain of cancer from my path, never to raise again?

Or is it my duty to do the work.  Do the steps necessary to prevent a recurrence.  Do my obligation as a faithful Christian?  This is more the direction I believe in.  I remember a mass I went to where the reading was about a blind man who was waiting at Jericho as Jesus walked by.  He was beseeching Jesus to cure him.  People were pushing him aside and telling him to be quiet, but he was persistent and keep asking until Jesus found him, brought him to his side and asked him what he needed.  The man asked for sight and Jesus healed him.  He was faithful, obedient to the Lord, persistent and courageous in the face of so many obstacles.  That is why Jesus healed him.

That's more what I think I need to do.  Like what I've done with all the decisions so far: be aggressive.  Do the nasty work that has to be done, do the medical treatments, plus living right.  I haven't moved into the highly experimental or alternative treatments yet, but hey: I"m still young! We'll see what happens!


So, I'm so glad I just wrote that.  It just really cemented the decision for me.  Helped me accept what I need to do.  I guess maybe I have more willpower and self-control than I ever though I did.

Okay - so back to the realities of the day.
Went to see my medical oncologist.  I gave pictures of the family to the front desk at Texas Oncology and to Dr. Harth.  I have such a beautiful family and they have never seen them.  I think they really appreciated that.  Also, they set up the girls on the angel tree, so now they get to see what they look like.  Fortunately, the pictures were taken before my face turned into a circle from the steroids, so even I look good!  Dr. Harth recommended whole brain radiation, said we'd discuss a chemo plan with the Baylor guru, but that would happen after radiation, started me on my steroid taper (I love her for that!) and made plans to follow up on the Tykerb medication (which is for HER2 and crosses the blood/brain barrier), and to continue on the weekly Herceptin.  I told her that she won't be able to retire, because I won't take another doctor and I'll be here for like another 30 years!  It was a good visit and I am so happy about my treatment team.  I really feel like she understands what I need (information) and is good about giving it to me, or giving me the second opinion options.  The final piece of information she gave me was the results of the molecular studies that were sent out with the recurrence.  This is some very technical information that I don't really understand.  It basically looked at all these biochemical markers of the tumor and then what current drugs will work the best.  The Baylor guru requested them and they are probably more for retrospective research than active treatment.  However, as I sit and read the report, here's the "high points"

• My tumor isn't strongly HER2+.  It's just a "little" positive.  They just point out that Herceptin might not be highly effective, although Tykerb is a recommended agent.
• I may have some benefit with anthracycline-based therapy (which is the Adriamycin that I first took, but platinum-based therapy probably won't work well.
• There are a couple other drugs that are options for the type of biomarkers I have (gemcitabine, desatinib, sunitinib), so I have options if the cancer comes back somewhere.
• 2 biomarkers "suggest a shorter recurrence-free survival, overall survival, poor prognosis, early recurrence and shorter disease survival"

So, wow...what to say about that.  I don't think anything.  I didn't read this information until after I had made the decision about radiation.  So, I think this just seals the deal that I need to be as aggressive as possible now to reduce the possibility of recurrence.  I think it brings around the same discussion that I've had with myself frequently.  These numbers are general statistics.  They are not me, they are not individual.  They really don't mean anything to me personally.  My time is dictated by somebody else.  If he has a plan for me, (which is what everything points to), then it doesn't really matter what the statistical prognosis is.  I will be around for those 30 years because that's the plan.  OR, take away a cancer diagnosis and I get in a car crash from distracted driving and I'm gone tomorrow.  Nobody knows the answer to that question: how much time?  So, I think after today, I'm gonna file away that report and not look at it again and continue my walks every day where I thank God that I have today and promise to make the best day possible.  To make someone smile today.  To be polite in the face of rudeness, to make a difference in someones day with a smile or a hug or a sincere "How are you."  That's what makes me feel good.  That's what I want to accomplish every day.  (Gosh, how life gets simple when you think like that!)

Okay, back to details: went to my physical therapy appointment for my left arm lymphadema.  It was so nice!!!!! It's like a little massage!  But I definitely needed it!  That stupid arterial line (which didn't even work!) made my arm swell up and after the appointment is definitely felt smaller.  Thanks Jenn!  I'll be making my twice a week appointments and keeping those!

Then I went to the second opinion for radiation at UTSW.  IT was a long wait, but the information was definitely what I needed.  Some good points that helped me: in his opinion, breast cancer metastasis to the brain recurs about 50%.  Radiation to the brain can reduce that to 20%.  The cognitive issues can be addressed by doing radiation dosage over a longer time period and potentially avoiding key areas.  For young breast cancer patients, cognitive function is not as impacted as with the lung cancer patients (cuz those people have been smoking for years and smoking impacts the brain function).  Also, since I already function at a high level, am young, don't have other disease, I should have less impact that any research/data would suggest).  He said there are options regarding just localized radiation to the surgical area, but that doesn't address recurrences in other parts of the brain.  Same thing with watching and waiting.  You do scans every 3 months and watch for any symptoms of a tumor and try to "catch it quick".  Of course, there is no guarantee that when/if it grows back it will be "treatable".  Meaning it might be in a bad location or have too many to treat locally with surgery or targeted radiation.  So, basically there is risk either way (DUH) and I have to be good with the decision.  He didn't recommend either option to me and to be honest, I didn't ask.  I think when he asked the question: What is your biggest fear, I knew what my decision was.  My answer was "Recurrence".

So: recap:

• Finish surgical recovery
• Continue with Herceptin and get started on Tykerb
• Continue with project healthy living: diet, exercise, positivity
• Start whole brain radiation in December
• When radiation is done, do chemotherapy (drugs to be determined)
• Be a good christian, have faith that the "3rd times the charm" and I will be cancer-free forever more!

Thanks for putting up with the extremely long post.  This was very cathartic for me and I feel alot better right now than I did when I started this post.  I'm gonna go back to sleep now actually!  Good night, God Bless, and thank you so much for family and friends.  I couldn't do it without y'all!  And that is the truth!!!  

Post Thanksgiving Haze

So, I've been reprimanded again regarding my posts.  But, I do have an excuse: I was in a fog from Thanksgiving.  So many blessings were given, I just couldn't rise out of the coma! Plus, it was a "boring" weekend.  (Not really, but it was low-key!)

Friday was a nice day for me to just be by myself.  That's right folks, I was allowed to be alone!  I drove myself to the hospital and did my Herceptin treatment #6!  It was sooo nice! Why was it nice?  Because I was independent!  I drove myself there, I had the awesome Friday lunch (catfish, brown rice, veggies and salad).  I never want to change my treatment days because I love that lunch soo much!  Afterwards David and I went shopping for a bit and I finished the night with a pedicure/manicure/should rub with my sister.

Why did I need a pedicure/manicure?  Because that damn Herceptin!  Actually, Herceptin is not that bad. Here's a list of the side effects

1. NO cancer growth
2. no CANCER growth
3. no cancer GROWTH
4. Mouth sores
5. Jacked-up nails
6. Fatigue X 2 days

The truly evil drug is Decadron.  It is the hatest and most feared of all the drugs known to man.  I hate to say it, but Decadron is the "honey badger" of my life right now!  Side effects:

• Insomnia/agitation/inability to rest
• Wanting to eat everything in sight
• Moon face - people don't recognize me!!!!
• Acne....acne!!!!
• Bloating/weight gain
• Weak leg muscles - I can't even get up from kneeling!
• Not dealing well with frustration
• Balance issues
• Peeing all the time
• Poor vision/double vision

The best news I got today was that in 20 days I will be off Decadron!  I will have to celebrate with something wonderful.  Good thing I have 20 days to ponder!

Saturday was a nice day because I became a Catholic madrina (Godmother) to a close friend's son.  Soon I will be an actual Catholic as well, so I'll know the rules to guide him!  Right now I just serve as a witness.  But, it was really moving for me to see and hear how the catholic church accepts the new life into the church and to also explain to Leonardo how his light is shining in Heaven and God sees him. 

What was very interesting and enlightening about the Baptism is what the families consider appropriate attire to wear to a child's baptism.  I would think half the people there would have been more comfortable with a drink in their hands versus a baptism shell.  It was ridiculous and shameful!  OMG: I sound like my father!!!!!

After that I was able to take a wonderful nap (remember the fatigue of Herceptin - it actually cuts through the insomnia of Decadron!  And, to top off the night, I finally saw a good movie.  It took long enough, though!  It was Tower Heist.  Completely unrealistic movie - but enjoyable and funny enough to laugh.  That was the best part!  (Well, that and being out with David!)  He's sooo sweet!  Don't tell him though because I think he thinks he's losing his mojo and will want to spend copious hours at the pool hall finding it again!

Sunday was a sadder day (more sad?  Is sadder a word? Less happy day, maybe?) because I had to help David pack to leave to McAllen.  I could tell he didn't want to leave either.  He said he wanted to leave by 9 so it wouldn't be too late, but I don't think he actually left the city until like noon!  There was always something to do (like upload photos, or eat, or organize the closet!  It was sad, but he needed to go!  He needs to go make me some money!!!  Keep me in the lifestyle I have become accustomed to.  Oh, I forget, that's 6 people living in 1200 sq ft.  Maybe I need him to make more money than I'm accustomed to!  HAHAHAHAHA!

Sunday also was a milestone because I drove (again) AND I drove at night!!  HAHAHAHA.  I'm still alive to talk about it!  Really people - driving is no more an issue now for me than before.  Actually, I'm probably better at it now because I focus more on it.  Elena is my tattle-tale and will not let me be on my phone (which is good, since now you can get a ticket for texting!), so I have nothing to do but look at the cars around me.  How boring!!!  

So, the weekend ended very successfully and I was ready to prepare for the next week of school and the new routine that I want to be my healthy schedule.  Monday was a VERY eventful day, both personally and medically.  To be honest, I'm really drained from Monday.  It's 1100 pm right now and I'm actually going to go to sleep (that usually happens at midnight or later).  I promise I will post tomorrow on the HUGE changes I will be facing.  

That's the teaser to keep you guys coming back!  

Thanksgiving 2011

Well, I just have to post after such an extraordinary day. I feel like this is a new beginning, a new chapter, a new lease on a new life. I want to make sure it is the fullest in meaning (not activity) that it can possibly be. Today was a great example of that!

Now, just to start off - I had some bad moments that I need to work on, but I'm gonna let myself off the hook since I'm still recovering from surgery! :)

So I actually had a really good night last night. Slept about 6 hours, which on steroids is pretty amazing. I looked up some awesome information about ladies with stage IV breast cancer (total of like 66 women having survived 220 years leading full and complete lives). Got up and did my routine and walked with David and had a really good conversation with him. I was getting worried that everyone is going to be second-guessing me and looking for personality changes and am I different and all that stuff. But he reassured me that I'm still the same annoying person who makes bad financial decisions - same as before! :)

Since I didn't have any groceries, I was gonna make pancakes for the girls.  Unfortunately, our stove broke in the middle of pancakes!  Oh no!  Fortunately, my breast cancer support group came to the rescue with cupcakes for the girls to decorate.  What a miracle that these were given the night before my stove breaks!!!!  So, the girls get to decorate and eat cupcakes and frosting for breakfast.  What a great Thanksgiving start!

I spend the entire morning with the girls: we watch movies, clean and organize their room (which is a really fun adventure for me, not so much for them!) and get them fed and ready for Thanksgiving.  All by myself cuz the family was out running errands!

I had a little setback after that, but it was more because I was feeling down about how I look.  Moon face, pimples, bloating and mouth sores.  Herceptin does suck a little.  There's my little pity party, now back to the program!

I was so blessed this Thanksgiving to have some wonderful people donate food for my family.  These are people that don't even know me, but came together and brought food for not just a family of 5.....a family of 12!  Which was added to 20 with close friends.  It was amazing and delicious the food that was prepared and brought to my sisters house.  We have those party table and chairs already, so we had that set up in the living room to seat the 8 kids and 12 adults.  We got nice throw-away plates and silverware, plus a little decor.  I thought it looked great (and fast and simple - which is always a plus!).

I had to contribute because this is my holiday, so I made my famous garlic mashed potatoes, sweet baby carrots and strawberry spinach salad.  Very easy stuff to make!  The most difficult thing was me trying to plan warming all the food at the same time!  Thank god for microwaves!!!

We had a fried turkey - I've never had that and it was delicious!  We had a ham which was delicious as well.  Stuffing, gravy, cranberries, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, and sweet potatoes that were to die for!  It was all so good!  My plate was LOADED with everything.  Don't worry - I did use steroids as an excuse for why I needed to eat so much!

We had plenty of food for everyone and we all got to go home with leftovers for the next day.  Of course, I had to take the meat because I'm the honey badger!  Everyone else got just the sides!

And don't think it stopped there, we still had dessert: apple pie, pumpkin pie and/or pecan pie based on your preference.  What a meal!  What a night!

Now, the most important thing about the meal was the meaning.  I was able to explain to my hispanic family why Thanksgiving has always been more special to me than Christmas.  Why I will work Christmas and New Years, but never Thanksgiving.  Why I try to make it a point to see my family during this time.  It's about the relationships, and at this point in my life, relationships is what has made the difference.  The difference between a successful fight against cancer or not.  The difference between the peace I feel and what others experience.  The difference between what the medical team thought for me, and the reality of my life.  I was able to teach each of the 19 people there what they mean to me and tell each child my hopes for them.  (David helped me translate into spanish, even though I was really rude to him.  I will blame it on steroids while I can, but he was very patient with me today!  Tomorrow my morning meditation will be on no excuses for my behavior!

After that I let everyone eat.  Y'all know that hispanics never start anything on time, so I think we didn't get to eat until like 5:30 or 6:00 and I had planned on like 4:30!  Everyone was starving!  Then the kids all spoke about what they were thankful for and then the adults.  It was so nice to hear what people had to say and gave some insight into their hopes.  I really enjoyed it.

In fact, I want this to be a tradition.  I would like to do something every year and cook for everyone and share in this special event.  I need to plan though......I still want to celebrate it with my northern family (that's what I'll call you guys "northern").  Hmmmm, now I have to think on this!  Maybe I'll incorporate this into my hispanic Christmas, I don't know.  But what I really want to continue is the giving of thanks, sharing of food, celebration of the relationships that have been forged.  That doesn't need to be on a set date, but just that it's done every year as a celebration of every year of life we have been given.

What does this medical stuff mean?

So I've had some people ask me about what the future holds and whether I have brain cancer or breast cancer, so I'm going to do some educating!  We'll see how good I do!  I have noticed that my math skills are SORELY LACKING right now!

So... I was diagnosed with breast cancer in September 2010.  It was about 2 cm and called "Triple Negative" because it didn't have any special receptors that could be used to fight the tumor.  It was classified Stage II.  I did the standard course of treatment, but chose to do chemo first.  So, 2 rounds of chemo (6 months total), then the surgery to remove the cancer.  Sometimes the chemo will kill all the cancer and there will be no "lump" to remove.  This did not happen with me.  When they removed the tumor in the breast, they checked the lymph nodes in the armpit and found that 1 out of the 11 they removed had some tumor in it.  This was not necessarily bad, just not great.  So, that's how I got both breasts removed and some lymph nodes in my left armpit.  I did not do reconstruction, because I was waiting for David to get a job and money before we did something that I would need alot of time off work for.  So the plan was to be done and over with breast cancer (Wasn't that a nice plan!!)
The next surprise was the radiation, which I didn't expect to need, but was recommended solely based on my age and type of breast cancer.  However, because I eventually wanted to have a nice chest again, I would need to put something back in the breast to stretch it out so that the radiation wouldn't "ruin" the reconstruction.  So, then I needed to go back and get tissue expanders placed in the breasts and fill them.  This took a couple of weeks to accomplish.

The current thinking is that the original tumor was a mess of different type of little cancer cells.  Some of them were "triple negative" and some of them were HER2+.  Now, none of the testing they did found the HER2+ cells, but they were there.  Any HER2+ means that the cells grow really fast!  So, while I was waiting to start radiation, a little mass of cells was growing.  And so in September 2011 (a year after my original diagnosis), I had another lump in the breast.  So, standard treatment: surgery to remove it, radiation to "clear" the area and possibly more chemo or meds.


It was fortunate that we tested the new tumor. Everyone thought it would be the same as the original (triple negative), but it wasn't.  This now gave us a new drug to help fight.  At this point, I am still considered Stage II breast cancer, with a local recurrence.  I had a little more radiation than was originally planned and I also had a plan with the oncologist to start a new round of chemo and also Herceptin, which is a drug that specifically blocks the HER2 receptor and prevents those cells from growing.


So a month after I find the second lump, I have a headache after a treatment.  Not a big deal, right....wrong!  That's when we discover the metastasis (the spread).  So, October 2011 (13 months after original diagnosis, 1 month after recurrence) is when I am diagnosed as Stage IV breast cancer with brain metastasis.  So, what does that mean?  Well, you can go and look at your own prognosis, but I focus on ME.  All the statistics out there don't mean anything for an individual, just for a general population.  I think the main thing to understand is that now I have a chronic disease.  It is "uncureable, but treatable".  So, I have to change my lifestyle, just like someone diagnosed with heart disease or cholesterol or diabetes.  All those things kill people early too!


 So, back to the brain: first step to this is surgery to remove it.  It is confirmed that the tumor was breast cancer and I am waiting on the pathology to determine if it is HER2+ or triple negative or something different.  Right now, I have NO CANCER that we can tell.  That's a really great thing.  It's nowhere in my body as confirmed by CT and PET scans.  It's also nowhere that they can see in my brain based on post surgical MRI scans.

What the future?  That's the big question!  It involves taking the drugs that "control" the HER2 status.  These drugs I will be on for as long as they work (so hopefully forever!).  It involves another round of chemotherapy to kill any microscopic cells that are circulating around my body and brain.  It could possibly involve radiation to the brain to kill any microscopic cells that are sitting up there.

For me, that's the scariest thing: radiation to the brain.  How might that change me?  It seems more permanent than the chemo.  I have some big decisions to make.

The other thing is work....what becomes of work??????  I love my job.  I love what I do.  Will I be able to continue?  That is a big question as well.  But, as those that know me, denial isn't just a river in Africa!  It's my coping!  So I will defer those questions to when I have more information!

So bottom line:
all breast cancer  
all gone from body    
God, good living, and following doctors orders will keep it that way!
I will see my oncologist past her retirement!

"Amazing Recovery"

So, I haven't posted in a couple days and I don't want to let down my loyal followers!  HAHAHA!  I think it's so cool that anyone follows me.  I think that doing this blog has helped me more than any paper journaling has ever done because it gives me a purpose.  Knowing that people might read what I say makes sure I think about what I want to say!  So, thank you all for making me think!

So I was in Walmart picking up some groceries with my sister and a man whose wife gave me a prayer saw us.  He pulled my sister aside and said: What's she doing here? Didn't she just have surgery???

It made me think...yeah I just had surgery, but I'm not doing anything extraordinary.  I'm just living life.  I'm not pushing myself or working hard, just moving forward.  It's not me that's doing anything amazing.  It's the grace of the Lord.  Anything I'm doing, I'm doing because he has allowed me.  I have nothing to compare my recovery to - am I on track, doing better, doing worse?  I'm not sure it really matters.  I think I'm doing what I need to be doing: getting healthy.  I'm really proud of myself and I hope I am making the steps for long-lasting healthy life.  I'm watching what I'm eating (in moderation, not extreme), I'm walking and stretching (in moderation, not extreme), I'm thinking about me and life and priorities (in moderation, not extreme).  I think in the past I have made the goals too high, too difficult to maintain.  I want to avoid that this time.  I want what I do to be do-able.  Which is why I'm happy I have this blog: its been do-able and keeps me accountable to my own goals!

Sometimes I worry that I'm changing too much, like maybe becoming too fervent or pollyana or religious.  Maybe, but if gives me peace, I think I'll do it.  I hope you can all tolerate me in the future!!!!

Actually, as I think about it, I'm really enjoying this recovery because right now that's all I need to focus on.  In the coming weeks I have a lot of doctor appointments to get information to make the future decisions for treatment.  This is the easy step...those are more difficult decisions to live with.

Recollections from inpatient stay

Wow,

I have to say, I think this will be a long post!  It is about how wonderful my hospital stay was at Methodist Dallas Medical Center.  Let me just start off by saying: I WORK HERE!!!  I know my friends and co-workers took a special interest to make sure that I was cared for and had every need met.  But I have to say, everyone made me feel like they were doing it as routine.  From the admission in same day surgery, to the discharge from the hospital oncology floor, it was smooth, seamless, great communication and teamwork and I feel special.  It was amazing to experience and I am so proud to work for this organization!  We have been recognized as the best place to work and I FEEL IT!

We also have been spotlighted in the news about the care that we give.  I'm here to say: the care was TOP NOTCH!  Again, from the support staff of registrations, chaplain, dietary, housekeeping - to the professionalism of the physicians, OR staff, and nursing staff, I have had no complaints.  It has been truly amazing!

When I was admitted, they quickly did their paperwork and got me hooked up with an advanced directive (David was very nervous something would happen and needed that.  Chaplain was here and paperwork was done in less than 30 minutes.....at 4am no less!!!! My friends and Reverand Phil were able to come and stay with me until the prep.  The surgical team explained everything I needed for consent forms and what to expect.  As my family waited in the waiting room, they keep them continually updated on my progress and where I was going.  Nobody has mentioned to me, but I think the waiting room accommodations were good (plenty of kleenex!)

My team in the ICU was excellent!  They started taking lines out of me as soon as I asked (and I'm sure as soon as I was stable enough!  I had to go to the bathroom so often and my poor nurse had to unhook me from everything soooo many times!  Thank you!  It does a body/mind/soul good to wear underwear and walk to the bathroom!
They had arranged for David to spend the night and had a little cot for him.  They let him do this even in and ICU!!!! and they had to manuever around him!  But they never made us feel like it was an inconvience to have him there.

As I became more stable, the ICU started searching for a more suitable location for me and they found me space on the oncology floor.  What a space!!!!  However, when they made all the arrangements, my 12 family members arrived to see me and feed me (and right about at shift change).  Did the staff frown?  Did they seem angry?  NO!!!  They shut us all in the room and let us do our thing.  It was so wonderful to spend that time with my family.  What wonderful customer service....and from the heart, not faked!

Soooo; dinner done, family gone - let's get me to the next phase of recovery.  A quiet and quick wheelchair ride to the oncology floor.  I know the ICU staff was waiting for my room for another critical patient, but they NEVER made me feel in a rush.  That is great service and great nursing professionalism for you!

On the oncology floor - wonderful staff!  From my patient care tech who asked personal questions about me and really got to know me, to the dietary representative who gave me lunch recommendations, it was an honor to be treated there.  I was pondering my future choices for treatment, and my night shift nurse searched the internet for me and pulled some great information.  My day shift nurse was a leader in communication and coordination!  I had an ICU nurse come to remove my drain and dressing and they didn't skip a beat working together.  I am so proud of my nursing breathern!  I am so proud I work at MDMC with these people.  As the day progressed and all medical providers gave me the "good to go home", the staff all let me know that it depended on how I felt.  I could stay longer if I wanted.  Now, for those that know me, the last times I have been in the hospital, I have cried like a baby if I had to stay a minute past the bare minimum of discharge!  ("You have to pay me to be here!" has been my mantra!)  But this time I felt no such desire.  It was a very comfortable place to be and recover and regain some strength before headed back to the "controlled chaos of home"!

I also recall back to when I was admitted after chemo for some low white cell counts.  The difference between that admission and this admission is like night and day.  The hospital has been working hard on changing the culture of the care that we give.  I know - I've been to the mandatory training sessions!  Its working!  I felt honest care and compassion from EVERY EMPLOYEE that I met during this stay.  It was amazing!  To our competitor hospitals - you better watch out because you have met your match!

I will be tweaking and editing this post into a letter to the new because this needs to be know: how great MDMC is!!!!!