this is an update from David- her Loving Husband

I wanted to write on this blog one last time to let everyone know that my sweet Andrea has gone to meet our Lord on August 16 2016 at 1127 hrs. She passed away while holding my hand and kissing me good bye. She will be forever in our hearts, may her soul rest in peace and may her memory lives on forever in the hearts of our beautiful girls. We love you Andrea Jean Teran Chavez.
Now I will take care of our gils like you wanted me to, I will mold them into great women that will change those around them.
your Loving Husband (baby)
David

New Chemo

So now I am taking Zeloda.  It is an oral chemotherapy that I take twice a day for 14 days, then rest for 7 days.  My first round was pretty hard: rash, hand-food syndrome (so i couldn't walk d/t pain), fatigue, dizziness, major dehydration, uncontrollable urination (d/t all the water I was drinking).  It was just terrible.  My ecologist said I was on the highest treatment regimen, but I couldn't handle it.  Whether is was coming off steroids for a long time, or the chemo, I don't know, but I was miserable!! I reduced by next dose by 25% and this round is much better.  I'm watching my diet, eating less, walking on my treadmill and stretching.  My only major "complaint" is that I sleep a lot!  10 hours at night and then a 2-hour nap in the day time.  I also am not working, so I don't have to multitask, just focus on myself and the girls (who are now 14,10, and 8).  I am so thankful I got all these years with them!  I just am focusing on getting a couple more years in there to help them grow in responsible, mature people!  I have faith in Jesus that he will protect me and allow me to lead my children in Jesus' path.  I continue to have faith that this new chemo will control the growth of the tumors and give me the most time to focus on my kids!

History of my journey

So, just a little background into the history of my breast cancer journey.  I was diagnosed in September 2010, during a breast biopsy that was required by my surgeon before she took out some lumps.  Turns out the lumps were positive for breast cancer, Triple Negative - meaning no estrogen, progesterone or HER2 cells that can be killed by specific treatment.  Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC) is high aggressive and difficult to treat, but they say the first 5 years is when re-growth is going to occur.  I was in Harlingen, TX at the time, so I didn't want to do major surgery down there with 3 young children, so I did chemo first, then continued chemo when I got a new job and moved back to Arlington TX.  David stayed in Harlingen to finish his degree in 12/2011.

So I finished chemo in May 2011, had my bilateral mastectomy with sentinel node dissection schedule for June 2011.  I had 1/7 nodes come back with tumors, so they wanted to do a full axillary node direction to be sure there were no other tumors.  After that surgery, I still only had 1 node out of 11 positive for TNBC.  So, while I was told I wouldn't need radiation, I was then advised to do breast radiation because of the positive lymph node.  But, I had planned on delayed reconstruction, so I needed to get implants placed.  I did this in August, so in September I could start radiation, which I did every day for like 3 weeks.  At which point, i felt another lump in my chest wall, and after a biopsy - yes the cancer had regrown!  So I had a lumpectomy and then restarted chemo for a last 9-day "boost".  The pathology came back that this tumor might be sensitive to the HER2 medicine, so I started that in October - only to have a horrible migraine with it - which I have never had a migraine before, so it was really concerning to me.  I had a brain scan, and lo and behold, it was breast cancer metastasized to my brain.  I had surgery to remove it in November and started whole brain radiation after David graduated.  Once that was done, I continued with the medication and routine scans, which were all normal.  In October 2012, I was complete with the special medicine and had "no evidence of disease"

At this point, I started to feel empty, because I'm taking my kids to church school and getting them baptized so they can take the sacraments in a catholic church, but I'm Lutheran, and am not allowed to participate in the Eucharist because of that.  So I started taking religious education classes in late 2012, and had my introduction into the Catholic faith on Easter 2013.  It was so nice to be able to partake in the Holy Communion and be a part of the Holy Trinity again.  It filled the empty space in my soul and I am so happy I did that.

With the grace of the Holy Spirit and my knowledge that Jesus and His Father were protecting me, I scheduled by reconstructive surgery in June 2013.  Please be aware that I took time off for surgeries, the basically I worked full-time through this process.  David was just getting started in his new profession, so I was pretty much the bread-winner the entire time.  That was another thing that kept me going.  I had to be strong for the family and for the girls.  I didn't want them to worry.  I think I was pretty successful with that - as my oldest (9 at the first round) doesn't seem to think I was in any danger! :)

Fortunately I had 2 years of clear scans with "no evidence of disease".  What a blessing to have that extra time.  Unfortunately, I did not take advantage of it.  I continued to work full time and multitask the girls activities with my work responsibilities.  I think I was expected a lot out of me.  I didn't eat healthier, I didn't start to exercise, I didn't try to cut down on stress.  I thought I could do it all.

Well, obviously I couldn't!  I started having problems with swelling in my arm and a scan revealed new tumors in my chest wall (not operational), as well as some area in some lymph nodes.  Then my routine brain scan revealed "numerous small tumors all thought the brain"  My radiation oncologist recommended that I get the Gamma Knife procedure, which is done at a local hospital here.  I had my first Gamma Knife 12/8/15.  Gamma Knife is basically pinpoint radiation, given from a lot of different areas, so the surrounding tissue is not receiving the full brunt, but it does get some.  Where the tumor was located, that area got the most intense radiation.  I was very positive that this would work, but my follow up exam showed growth in some of the tumors and new growth all through the brain.  So after a consult at MD Anderson, one of the premier cancer center, I decided to do another Gamma Knife, which we did on 4/28/16.  I have a follow up scan schedule later this week.  Keep you fingers crossed!!!

So, since  the original chemo did not do anything to the body (systemic), have stated an oral dose of chemo (I take pills) for 14 days, then have a 7-day rest period and then start again.  It is good for metastatic breast cancer and seems to have some blood-brain barrier transmission.  So, in addition to all this, my short-term disability I'm paying for will not pay out because of my pre-existing condition (cancer), my FLMA is about to expire, at which point I'll be on long-term disability.  None of these things come with any financial resources.  So, we are living off David's pay check - very easy to do - he works A LOT!!  But Im also having to pay my insurance premiums so I can keep my insurance.  I don't want to have to go to Social Security Disability Insurance - basically Medicare!

So that's my "brief" synopsis of my cancer journey!

Fear

So, I've been thinking a lot on this topic.  It turns out my children are totally fearful of almost everything.  They are scared someone will come to the house and take them (even when I'm home).  They are scared of walking 100 feet to my brother's house when it's dark (the coyotes will eat me).  They are scared of such remote risks, but then do stupid things that are risky (not putting on their seatbelt immediately - I still have to remind them, running wild in a parking lot, etc).  I look back on my own childhood and remember climbing trees to the top and I was swaying with the breeze.  I remember when I decided to walk home without telling anyone in elementary school.  I think it was like a 2-3 mile trip home.  I don't know if the difference is in personality or in environment and parenting, but it is something that is very hard for me to comprehend - fear of something happening.  My husband would call it naivety.  I'm just too naive or trusting to see the bad (in people, in a situation, etc).  I prefer to call it faith.  I will admit I have made some bad judgements in my life, but I  have had faith that everything would turn out okay (maybe not as a teenager, but in adult life). I found a saying at the beginning of my cancer journey and I  keep it in my office to remind me.  "Never borrow from the future.  If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain.  Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice."  I have tried to follow this advice during my fight with breast cancer.  What good does worrying do?  Will it change what happens?  What good does questioning why do?  I have cancer.  Instead of lamenting the past, or worrying about the future, better to focus on the present.  

These thoughts have been in my mind as I contemplate my cancer recurrence.  I think the only things that really make me worry, or be fearful is the unknown - what will happen?  How can I make it easy for the people around me?  What can I expect to happen (the details).  My other fear is failure - letting people down.  I really haven't felt the fear and sadness that I felt the first time around.  I think it is because it is not unknown anymore.  While I don't yet have a treatment plan, I have pretty much done all the options - I know how chemotherapy is, I've done radiation, I've had surgeries and port placements and all sorts of stuff.  So the mechanics of cancer treatment is known to me.  I have a picture in my mind of how chemotherapy is administered, how my body responds, and how the cancer responds (staying in the positive frame of mind - cancer dies, minimal side effects!).  

So, I'm facing this new challenge with positivity and faith.  I am at peace with my life, I think I'm living a better life now than I was 6 years ago.  I have a wonderful husband and a great relationship with him.  I have kids that, although fearful, are curious, questioning, healthy and challenging (as all kids are).  I have family that support me through thick and thin and are always there for a break and work hard to help me out.  I have awesome friends who are only a text away from giving me a hug, a laugh or a drink!  I try to yell less, judge less, stress less, laugh more, enjoy the moment and accept people for who they are, not who I want them to be.  I may not succeed every day, but I try! :)

Christmas 2015

Christmas was really good this year.  It was low stress and family focused.  We had Christmas eve at my sister's place, opened a present for each kid and headed home by midnight.  Girls put out cookies and milk for santa, left him a letter and went to bed.  Of course, Lili was the first one up, and was SO excited for her new bike,  she wanted to go out immediately and ride it!  Fortunately, it was like 60 degrees outside, so no big deal.  The other girls were happy about their bikes from santa, but no as much as Lili.  I made pancakes, cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate while my sister-in-law made bacon and we hosted the immediate family here at the ranch for Christmas morning.  It was a very calm (now that the kids are older) opening of presents.  Yerena is so hilarious as she opens presents that she really wanted.  First, her hoverboard for her birthday (and yes, we still have it and it hasn't exploded or even had extra hotness during charging) and now her iPod 6 for christmas.  I had planned to make a fire in the fireplace, but - at 75 degrees outside, it wouldn't have been appreciated.  It was a good thing I didn't.  The next day, it was 30-40 degrees outside and wouldn't you know it, the heater was acting up.  So I had a fire started, but even with the flue open, it smoked into the house.  Turns out, we don't have a chimney cap, so all the rain was dropping down on the fire and smoking it out!  Another project on the "honey-do" list.  I look forward to next year when my parents have finished their winter home in Rapid City, SD.  I'm hoping I can finally enjoy a Christmas fire there!

Okay, I have figured out how to add pictures.  I will continue to add pictures as I get them organized. That was so confusing!  For being known as a "computer person" at work, this apple - iCloud - photo buckets - blogs - templates - formatting - ARRGGG!!!!!  I'm on steroids, people!  I can't handle this!!!

Well, I promised to update, so here is my update.

Of course, it is 0330, but that what happens when you're on steroids.  Life sucks and you can't sleep.

It's so funny about these steroids.  I would consider them the WORST drugs in the entire world.  I dislike them WAAAYYY more then chemotherapy and radiation.  They are supposed to be used to prevent swelling in the brain and any symptoms related to tumors in the brain: headaches, vision changes, balance issues, etc.  However, for me in particular, I had no symptoms when I started taking steroids (both times).  So, now, after starting the drug, I feel like crap.  Headaches, vision changes, stuffy head, can't sleep, bad taste in my mouth, wanting to eat, bloating after eating anything, constipation, weight gain and swelling in my face.  Just such a contradiction!  I guess it's like chemo - its a drug that kills cells, so while its killing the bad cancer cells, its also killing healthy cells.  Just have to take the good with the bad.


So, as I'm sitting here I'm reminded that I've been here before.  This is going to be a different blog this time around - because now its not new.  I've done this rodeo before, and won it.  So that's my mindset coming into this.  It's not as scary, because now I know what to expect.  And I know I can overcome and persevere.  And as I reflect  back to the first journey, I can appreciate the differences in me now.

Just a recap for anyone who was curious: I was first diagnoses in September 2010.  David and I were living in Harlingen, TX (right at the border) and he was in PA school.  I was the only one working and kept the insurance.  The girls were 9, 4, and 2.  We were out there on our own, with all family back in Arlington TX, 9 hours away.  I had a great opportunity to return to Arlington with a job offer at Methodist Dallas Medical Center and I took it.  It brought me and the girls back to family in Arlington, but David was left in Harlingen to finish school and pack up the life we had started down there.  The girls and I came back to live with David's brother in a small little house.  It was challenging, but family always pulls through!  So much support, not just from old friends, but new ones with my new work family.  Couldn't have made it through the first round without them!

So treatment the first time around:
I had triple negative invasive ductal carcinoma.  I do not have any genetic or family history.  Triple negative means it does not have any targeted therapy specific for it.  I decided to do chemotherapy first.  So I had 6 months of chemotherapy before I did a bilateral mastectomy.  I was going to do delayed reconstruction, so it was a pretty simple procedure.  However, I did have to go back to remove the lymph nodes from the L side (where the cancer was).  That prompted my medical team to recommend breast radiation (which was a new development).  So then I needed to get implants and start breast radiation.  Everything was going well until I developed a local recurrence and it turned out to be HER2+.  This particular strain is fairly aggressive and fast -growing. So...more surgery, radiation and new chemotherapy.  Pretty much immediately after that, and almost by accident, we discovered a brain tumor!  Had a really bad headache after taking the new chemotherapy and the doc wanted a brain MRI - which found the tumor and I had had no symptoms.  So, then I had surgery to remove the brain tumor, which was caused by the original triple negative tumor, followed by whole brain radiation to prevent any recurrence in the brain.  I continued on the chemotherapy for the HER2+ tumor until October 2012, which was my last treatment.  I then had my breast reconstruction surgery in 2013.  Since then, I have been healthy, happy, enjoying my family and friends and taking every day as the blessing it is.  I struggle every day with all the same issues, but I think my outlook on life has changed.  I try not to be a perfectionist and hold too high of standards (decrease stress and cortisol).  Be a forgiving person and not judging others

Back to today:  I saw my regular oncologist today.  So we have an initial plan.
This brain recurrence was noted on my routine check-up.  I again had no symptoms.  But, fortunately, it was noted when it was, because I was about to change my insurance levels since it had been 5 years since diagnosis.  It was a pretty big marker!  I was able to make sure my insurance levels were the most appropriate for what I'm going to be dealing with.  My radiation oncologist immediately referred me to UTSW for a consult and I'm scheduled for what's called a Gamma Knife procedure to kill the "rocks in my brain" as I am calling them.  It's basically super focused beams of gamma radiation sent to each tumor to kill it.  I have a lot of them, so my prayers right now are focused on getting enough radiation to each and every single tumor to kill it and shrink them from my head!  It's a non-invasive "surgery" and I'll be home on the same day.  However, those tumors came from somewhere, so the next challenge is to figure that out.  I have been getting body scans frequently through the years.  Me and the CT team are buddies!  So, I have had these little nodules on my lungs for awhile, but they have stayed really small and stable.  I just recently had a slight enlargement of them, but wanted to wait a little longer for the biopsy.  So, I will be having a PET scan, which is looking at the cellular level for any disease.  That will guide where I should have any biopsies (like obviously the lungs, but anywhere else.  We need t biopsy those areas to determine the type of cancer that might be growing and send little seeds to my brain.  Is is the first  cancer - triple negative, or is it the recurrence - HER2+?  That will determine the type and course of treatment.

So, this is familiar to me.  It's not as scary.  While the severity of the diagnosis has been pretty shocking, I am trying to avoid it and focus on the familiar.  I have done this before.  I have survived.  My kids are happy and well adjusted.  I have a wonderful relationship with my husband.  I have a huge family committed to my well-being.  I have so many wonderful and supportive friends to keep a smile on my face.  I have an awesome job and co-workers who allow me to time to heal and recover and put up with my while I'm in treatment!  I live on a beautiful ranch with horses and wildlife to commune with and my husband has a job that will cover our expenses.  I am blessed.  I will endure.  I will survive again.  What other option is there?  None.  So, while doubts might come up, and fears, I will push them aside and look to all the inspiring scripture and quotes that people have been sending me.  I will keep my spirit uplifted and take joy in all the simple things I see everyday, and all the silly things I share with those around me.

Thank you to all who care about me.  I am so overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and love and encouragement from everyone.  I guess my parents must've done something right!